Tuesday 12 February 2013

What the?

So this post will likely be confusing, poorly written and have no flow or consistency whatsoever...

Today I posed a status on FaceBook, listing some stuff that Elijah has grown out of, asking my friends if they were interested in any of it. I have listed some of this on eBay before and although none of it sold, I was perfectly fine about it.

Today. Not so much.

Today, along with suggestions on how and where to sell this stuff, there were a few comments to the tune of "what, no more babies?!" and "Why not just have another baby"

Usually, when people suggest we (I, more specifically) have a/nother baby, I politely smile and with complete conviction say "not.a.chance"

... Not today...

Today I wrote 'no way, Jose' in response, but then found myself feeling a little sad, a little empty, a little strange.

Today, my brain went all silly and my uterus did flips and my hand went to my tummy and my heart asked "what if?"

A little like: well, mayyyyyybe I want to?

But then my brain kicked into gear and reminded me that I have a perfect son and I don't actually WANT to go through the baby making process again, be pregnant, give birth, breast feed. I don't NEED that... I don't want to want it.

And my fear reminded me that I have only one fallopian tube left and I'm probably all barren and scar tissued anyway, so what's the point? And who would WANT their VAGINA ripped open by a HEAD? Or worse, 40+ hours o labour followed by an emergency caesar like Jo? Not me! not.a.chance...

I have no idea where this has come from. I have no idea why.

Has anyone been through anything like this? Anyone got any insight for me?


  1. I feel you.

    Jen and I agreed that two was it for us (three if either of us got pregnant with twins), but knowing this is it makes me ache a little.

    One more reason to soak up all the baby-sweetness around here, I guess.

  2. Thanks Allison!

    Glad to know that I'm not alone, and that someone understood the post! haha

  3. I still get the occasional what ifs. Then I remember how hard it was when I was pregnant, how hard I found the newborn stage. Then wondering how I would even begin to cope with two. I'm happy to snuggle friends newborns because when they get upset I can hand them straight back :)