So this post will likely be confusing, poorly written and have no flow or consistency whatsoever...
Today I posed a status on FaceBook, listing some stuff that Elijah has grown out of, asking my friends if they were interested in any of it. I have listed some of this on eBay before and although none of it sold, I was perfectly fine about it.
Today. Not so much.
Today, along with suggestions on how and where to sell this stuff, there were a few comments to the tune of "what, no more babies?!" and "Why not just have another baby"
Usually, when people suggest we (I, more specifically) have a/nother baby, I politely smile and with complete conviction say "not.a.chance"
... Not today...
Today I wrote 'no way, Jose' in response, but then found myself feeling a little sad, a little empty, a little strange.
Today, my brain went all silly and my uterus did flips and my hand went to my tummy and my heart asked "what if?"
A little like: well, mayyyyyybe I want to?
But then my brain kicked into gear and reminded me that I have a perfect son and I don't actually WANT to go through the baby making process again, be pregnant, give birth, breast feed. I don't NEED that... I don't want to want it.
And my fear reminded me that I have only one fallopian tube left and I'm probably all barren and scar tissued anyway, so what's the point? And who would WANT their VAGINA ripped open by a HEAD? Or worse, 40+ hours o labour followed by an emergency caesar like Jo? Not me! not.a.chance...
I have no idea where this has come from. I have no idea why.
Has anyone been through anything like this? Anyone got any insight for me?