Thursday, 10 January 2013

"Same-sex couple welcome baby"

Looking through the bits and pieces that we have put together for Elijah, I came across the article that the local paper did on us just after he was born - I realised that I hadn't shared it with you all and thought you might like to have a look.
We chose to do the article for a few reasons; mainly because we felt that as same sex parents, we had not only chosen to become mothers but educators too... We wanted to show that our family is as 'normal' as the next. Our only conditions were that it not be a political piece (we were happy with being a good news story but didn't want to create any massive debates) and that where we lived wasn't published - even though we haven't had any issues with discrimination, we live in a small town and didn't want hate mongers knowing where to find us. It saddens me that we even needed to think about that, but I have hope that the world will not always be that way.
It ended up being a short, good news peiece on page three, that we were quite happy with. We had some lovely feedback, friends and family congratulating us on a lovely photograph and a sweet story. We even had some neighbours visit with gifts for Elijah and apologies that they didn't even know Jo was pregnant! haha.
Unfortunately, the article also received some negativity, with numerous yucky comments being posted on the online version, but we expected that, and didn't let it get us down. We received a very sweet (and unneccessary) apology from the journalist that did the story - he had deliberately kept it light, just as we had asked, and not intended to bring about anything like some of the comments. We told him that he had nothing to apologise for and that although he did a lovely job, we expected some people to be dickheads :P (I will include some of the comments at the end of this post)
I've waffled on enough, I think. Here's the article!

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Same-sex couple welcome baby



Northern Rivers parents Jo and Tara
are overjoyed at the birth of their son Elijah.

Jo and Tara became the proud mothers of baby Elijah last weekend.

The question went around the Star's newsroom: Two women having a child, isthat news?

It is great news, we thought.

Despite a 42-hour long delivery, a week of sleep deprivation and familyvisits, both women looked happy and fresh.

Asked about the trials and tribulations of becoming a parent Tara said:"Oh, his birth has given me a new strength."

Tara and Jo live a very regular life. Jo is a youth worker and Tara worksfor Telstra.

But their lives were disrupted in the best possible way last weekend withthe arrival of Elijah to the world.

With same-sex couples increasingly choosing to have children, Jo mentionedthat not once had they experienced any administrative or personal issues duringthe process.

"We had not one bit of negativity. We had so much support. I don'tthink it is unusual anymore," added Tara.

It was at the beginning of 2011 when they started gathering informationabout ways to make the pregnancy happen.

They decided to look for a male donor and found one who suited them fromCanada.

They tried the insemination twice with no results, but the third attemptworked.

Jo's pregnancy test was positive on the first week of November and afterthat, "everything went by the book".

Baby Elijah will be able to access the details of the sperm donor when heturns 18.

In the meantime, Jo and Tara have received his pictures, an essay and hisfamily history.

During this time they decided not to update their families and friendsabout the process they went through.

"Our parents knew we were going to do it, but they didn't know when westarted it, because (the process of getting pregnant) was the most emotionalride", remembers Tara.

"It can be quite consuming, and even if out of love and concern,having people checking on you can be even more consuming," added Jo.

"We couldn't just say let's try again next month, said Tara.

"We put in this amount of money, we travelled this number ofkilometres, we had taken time off work. We needed this to happen."

Jo cannot stop getting emotional when remembering the whole process whileholding her son in her arms.

When we left their house, we had the feeling we have witnessed somethingprecious and so normal.

ASSISTED PREGNANCY:

Set a day of the week when you don't talk about the process.

Check in with your partner regularly.

Have a personal support network.

Ensure you are comfortable with the amount of information disclosed tofamily and friends.

Same-sex parents just as healthy forChildren

The scientific and psychological consensus is that two mothers or twofathers is just as healthy as a mother and a father. Children are in no waydisadvantaged by having same-sex parents.






· The American Association For Marriage And Family Therapy



COMMENTS:



What a lovely story, congratulations to the happy parents and great to hear they had such a supportive pregnancy etc with no issues, just as it should be!


Just as it should be? The baby deserves a Father, not another child growing up with an absent Father, studies have shown how important it is to have a Father in a child's life, If you choose to be gay, then fine, but don't expect to have the benefits of a male/female relationship, it's just plain selfish.


you seem to be the only one being selfish here...and slightly weird i might add.


There's always one in crowd isn't there? How about thinking to yourself, "hey this is none of my business, congratulate the new parents and move on!"


Many children are also better off without the said father in their lives, and what makes you think this child won't have a male mentor in his life, many children of same sex couples grow to be well adjusted adults.


Still don't get it do you. You cannot "choose to be gay" anymore than you can choose to be black, white, asian, left or right handed, but you can choose your religion and bigotry. Shame so many "fathers" choose NOT to be in their children's lives but all blame is put on women. So they are gay, it is not affecting your life or mine. If anyone chooses to have a child, it is none of my business. I cannot dictate who can have a child or not. Neither can you. Oh and by the way, the only one being selfish here is you thinking that everybody else's life's and rights should be run on your terms only.



sorry I have to agree with stu.
Dispite all the talk about how they are both loving parents etc etc which I am sure they are, it is less than an ideal family to bring a baby into. yes there are other fatherless families etc and yes there are homes with violence etc, but this was a choice and in my opinion, not a smart one.Theres a reason two women cant have a baby alone.



Yes because us men are perfect fathers always! There are absolutely no absent, abusive, criminal, dis-interested fathers in the world are there? 40% of marriages end in divorce too by the way so your 'father knows best' arguement is getting increasingly leaky. Oh, should I mention a 30 year study in the US which demonstrates that children of same sex couples perform better in school, are generally straight and have lower rates of criminal activity than children raised in 'proper' houses.


Congratulations to them, its a blessing! May you have a wonderful life with your son and much love as a family and a couple!

IGNORE the small minded Stu777 and FREDNERK, they are jealous old fuddy duddies clearly, they are not even from the area, why on earth they are commenting here is beyond me!


Ipswitchyitefrom Ipswich 5 months ago Report post

People like Stu and Fred and myself make comment as we see this as a selfish move on the part of the two women in the article and have a right to express such an opinion. You get on your high horse about the lesbian couples rights to do as they please ( even though the baby in question has no say in being raised this way) but people that dont approve have to shut up and accept it, no questions asked? So its not ok to express a view that doesnt agree with yours? but its ok for you to name call and insult and make judgemental opinion of Stu and Fred? Double standards.!!
May I add...EVERYtime theres a critisism of same sex families, all the comments come out the alternative family filled with violence, drunkeness, abuse etc etc etc like thats the only two options there are.
What about all the well adjusted two sex parent families with a normal healthy complete family unit...surely thats a more ideal way to raise a baby.
In response to single parenting...I think to knowingly bring a baby into that situation is selfish too, but if the mother is left single by divorce or death of a spouse, thats a different story as it wasnt how the baby was brought into the world. I have seen the effects on young males raised without a loving father in the picture and its so very unfair on that child and it does have lasting psychological effects.



originally posted by Ipswitchyite

People like Stu and Fred and myself make comment as we see this as a selfish move on the part of the two women in the article and have a right to express such an opinion. You get on your high horse about the lesbian couples rights to do as they please ( even though the baby in question has no say in being raised this way) but people that dont approve have to shut up and accept it, no questions asked? So its not ok to express a view that doesnt agree with yours? but its ok for you to name call and insult and make judgemental opinion of Stu and Fred? Double standards.!!
May I add...EVERYtime theres a critisism of same sex families, all the comments come out the alternative family filled with violence, drunkeness, abuse etc etc etc like thats the only two options there are.
What about all the well adjusted two sex parent families with a normal healthy complete family unit...surely thats a more ideal way to raise a baby.
In response to single parenting...I think to knowingly bring a baby into that situation is selfish too, but if the mother is left single by divorce or death of a spouse, thats a different story as it wasnt how the baby was brought into the world. I have seen the effects on young males raised without a loving father in the picture and its so very unfair on that child and it does have lasting psychological effects.

The reason it will have lasting psychological effects, is because of people who judge their family as somehow being wrong.
This family in no way improves or makes your family any different or wrong or even threatens your family, so I don't understand the fears that many have towards a samesex family unit.
So long as that child is loved and cared for then he will be happy. My nephew's father died when my nephew was just 2, for the next few years his main male role model was my father, are you saying my nephew is less then he should be because his father died so early in his life? My nephew has never been in trouble with the law, and is currently undertaking an apprenticeship despite having been raised for the most part by a single mother with a loving and supportive family.
The Gender of the parents don't matter the love in the household does.


originally posted by Ipswitchyite

People like Stu and Fred and myself make comment as we see this as a selfish move on the part of the two women in the article and have a right to express such an opinion. You get on your high horse about the lesbian couples rights to do as they please ( even though the baby in question has no say in being raised this way) but people that dont approve have to shut up and accept it, no questions asked? So its not ok to express a view that doesnt agree with yours? but its ok for you to name call and insult and make judgemental opinion of Stu and Fred? Double standards.!!
May I add...EVERYtime theres a critisism of same sex families, all the comments come out the alternative family filled with violence, drunkeness, abuse etc etc etc like thats the only two options there are.
What about all the well adjusted two sex parent families with a normal healthy complete family unit...surely thats a more ideal way to raise a baby.
In response to single parenting...I think to knowingly bring a baby into that situation is selfish too, but if the mother is left single by divorce or death of a spouse, thats a different story as it wasnt how the baby was brought into the world. I have seen the effects on young males raised without a loving father in the picture and its so very unfair on that child and it does have lasting psychological effects.

Every single person/ couple who choose to have a baby is selfish, they want a child and make it happen. No child gets a say in whether they are born or not, and that goes for your children as well. You get the right to do as you please, but you don't think anyone else has the right unless it is your way. You have the right to express an opinion, but you don't have the right to put down and demean anyone else. You said "even though the baby in question has no say in being raised this way", you may not have realized but YOUR children have had no say in how you raise them. You get to choose to push your religion, your idea that everyone else is selfish unless they live "your way", onto your kids. Elitist double standards much? Telling bullies who think they can demean, degrade and control what other people do with their lives to shut up and back off is what most people here are telling you and the others to do. A child has been born, welcomed and made with love and does not deserve such bigotry and shame put on him.



I bet they make better parents than a lot of straight couples who should be ban from breeding. Sick of hearing the "every child needs a father/mother" line. There's hundreds of thousands of children out there with no male/female figure in their lives and some who would be better off without the drop kick parents they were born onto.
.
Best wishes Jo, Tara and Elijah.


It seems that stu777 and FREDNERK are both condemning single parents too? Also, how do you know that this child will not have a strong male role model in his life? Making assumptions?



Im still married and help raise two children.Not condemning at all ,just commenting.Everyone chooses for themselves how to live.Having a strong male in this this childs life is commendable ,but doesnt replace a dad thats there living in the home.Children model their parents behaviour.



I didn't say I was condemning anyone, just stating the child needs to be able to have access to his Father. A Male Role Model is NOT his FATHER. Blood is thicker than Water.



originally posted by stu777

I didn't say I was condemning anyone, just stating the child needs to be able to have access to his Father. A Male Role Model is NOT his FATHER. Blood is thicker than Water.

Same-sex marriage doesn't preclude access to the biological father. Your comment isn't relevant.



As a child and young adult in the 1960s, I was brought up by two women and survived! I did have a father, but I was 9 years old when he eventually left - [actually we were all glad to see him go and have less violence and stress]. Problems, psychological and especially financial? Yes, there were those and others too, but after 50 years or so you can eventually sort them out...but only with luck, hard work, and considerable assistance/expense from a largely unwilling community. But the scenario 'of no Dad' certainly puts you "behind the 8-ball" in my own experience.



Thanks for sharing ,,,,not knowing the love of a father leaves a big hole in your life.
I was blessed to have a mum +dad that loved me.It wasnt perfect ,,but what human is???


BigBunny we're on the same side, now this is a celebration.:-)



I wish them all the luck.


I'm just saying how it is generalpublic. Until your raising 6 or more kids, then come back and talk to me, otherwise stay silent. All kids in their hearts are crying out for their Dads, some aren't great, but a lot of Fathers want to be there for their kids. Chidren DESERVE their FATHERS, by far the better option than some fill in male role model.
.
I'm just sticking up for those GOOD Fathers out their who have been screwed by the "System" which encourages break down of families (for easier control). How am I weird for stating the natural order of things how God intended families to be?



God hey? So as a biological, god-fearing father, would you be able to tell me how much I should sell my daughter for? Should it still be fifty pieces of silver as explained in Deut 22:28-29 (NLT) or should I account for inflation?



originally posted by DakDak

God hey? So as a biological, god-fearing father, would you be able to tell me how much I should sell my daughter for? Should it still be fifty pieces of silver as explained in Deut 22:28-29 (NLT) or should I account for inflation?

As much as I can get IF I was living my life by the Law and not through the Spirit, have you read the New Testament yet DakDak?



originally posted by stu777

As much as I can get IF I was living my life by the Law and not through the Spirit, have you read the New Testament yet DakDak?

I have indeed, a fair few times. Especially the bit where Jesus says "Do not think that I came to destroy the Law or the Prophets. I did not come to destroy but to fulfill" (Matthew 5:17) Feel like getting into an exegesis?



originally posted by DakDak

I have indeed, a fair few times. Especially the bit where Jesus says "Do not think that I came to destroy the Law or the Prophets. I did not come to destroy but to fulfill" (Matthew 5:17) Feel like getting into an exegesis?

"For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear." 2Tim 4:3 - I haven't heard the term exegesis used since I was at Bible College, so I'm guessing your a disillusioned ex student of the word perhaps?
.
Do not judge, but if you do judge, judge righteously.



The way God intended? Who cares about God? What has he got to do with 21st century society? God will not be doing anything to help raise this child, those two women will be the ones who do that. Suppose one of your kids turns out to be gay, according to the rules of your religion you would have to shun her/him... how is that what a good father does? That is what a horrible father does.

From your comments such as 'that's the way it is" and implying that you are right just because you say so means you are no better than your manicial, jealous, proud, arbitary, elitist,genocidal and sadistic God is.



originally posted by DakDak

I have indeed, a fair few times. Especially the bit where Jesus says "Do not think that I came to destroy the Law or the Prophets. I did not come to destroy but to fulfill" (Matthew 5:17) Feel like getting into an exegesis?

Ha ha another Christian picking and choosing which parts of the Bible to take on board. He has used the age old cop-out "oh, but that's in the old testament so we don't have to do it anymore" forgetting what Jesus said that "not a jot or tiddle of the law shall be changed". DakDak will probably know the verse that comes from. Stu777 and FREDNERK keep coming at us with your bible/christia rubbish and we will shoot you down with reason all night long.


originally posted by Frequently80

Ha ha another Christian picking and choosing which parts of the Bible to take on board. He has used the age old cop-out "oh, but that's in the old testament so we don't have to do it anymore" forgetting what Jesus said that "not a jot or tiddle of the law shall be changed". DakDak will probably know the verse that comes from. Stu777 and FREDNERK keep coming at us with your bible/christia rubbish and we will shoot you down with reason all night long.

Your ignorance of God perplexes me.The Bible says a fool in his heart believes there is no God .
So with that statement i dont believe you are anybodys fool.
What no one is saying here is that this issue is a morality issue.
God set a standard for morals concerning the family unit.Whether you conform to those standards is your choice.Even you had some basic moral standards set by parents in your life.
The question is how is your moral compass????and whos standard do you live them by???



There is nothing in my sperm or yours that gives me an advantage in raising a child over someone else. No extra ability to command respect, obedience, loyalty or love. A strong male role model is in every way better than a deadbeat dad who doesn't care, and just as good as a biological father who does. Why? Because it's not biology that makes you a good parent.



Stu777– you stated “Blood is thicker than Water”. So what’s your opinion on heterosexual couples who use a sperm donor to conceive due to infertility?

I agree that everyone is entitled to their opinion however on this type of forum – keep it to yourself.

Imagine the joy of the birth of your first child to be criticised by strangers– now that’s selfish.

If two people love each which I know Tara and Jo do then nothing should stop them bringing life into this word.

Think about all the adopted babies, abortions and foster care children in the word... Elijah has two people in this world that will always love him and raise him to be the best man he can be.

Good luck Tara and Jo X



Jess - I'm sick of the media and elitist agenda to normalize homosexuality, and then to go further and bring kids into this world without the child having access to a Father (you need a male to create life just as much as female, and thus the child deserves to have a Father ((his own blood Father if possible))). I just think it's unfair and sad that the child may never know his Father and/or miss out on the irreplaceable bond that they could share whist growing up.



originally posted by stu777

Jess - I'm sick of the media and elitist agenda to normalize homosexuality, and then to go further and bring kids into this world without the child having access to a Father (you need a male to create life just as much as female, and thus the child deserves to have a Father ((his own blood Father if possible))). I just think it's unfair and sad that the child may never know his Father and/or miss out on the irreplaceable bond that they could share whist growing up.

Unfortunately this attitude is why we had the stolen generations, both black and white. "Black kids NEED to be in a white family because white is better". "Single mothers NEED to give their children up for adoption, because all children DESERVE both a father and a mother". "Think of all those straight Christian couples who deserve a baby, single women are just being SELFISH keeping a child for themselves". Sorry, we have done it the white, Christian way and it did not work. Most people are up in arms with your attitude, because it is cruel and demeaning towards anyone who does not have a family that is the "perfect christian" scenario. Most people are sick and tired of being told we have to do it your way. Most people are sick and tired of the bigotry and discrimination against anyone who does not fit the "perfect, little, Christian world". Most women here are sick and tired of the opinions that they are selfish if they have a child, selfish if they don't, selfish if they have an abortion, selfish if they choose to have the child on their own, selfish if they are a single mother, selfish if they get a divorce, selfish if they get remarried, selfish if they don't stay home with the kids, selfish if they go out to work. Most people on here are being supportive of all people's right and choice to have a family the way they want, a warm loving family in whatever way works for them and their family.


originally posted by stu777

Jess - I'm sick of the media and elitist agenda to normalize homosexuality, and then to go further and bring kids into this world without the child having access to a Father (you need a male to create life just as much as female, and thus the child deserves to have a Father ((his own blood Father if possible))). I just think it's unfair and sad that the child may never know his Father and/or miss out on the irreplaceable bond that they could share whist growing up.

So stu777 seems you grew up in the home with the mother and father and all things beautiful, is your surname Cleaver? In the real world it doesn't matter a dash if it's Mum and Dad, Mum and Mum, Dad and Dad or whatever mix as long as a child has love and care. Too many children have had sad lives due to ignorance about 'what's normal and best' personally my happiest time in childhood was with Mum, Grandmother and brother. Better a happy home than the show of normalacy that's often not really there.



I was going to comment to say, so? This isn't a news story. I know a few same sex couples with children, two of which used sperm donors. But then I read some of the appauling comments and realised I needed to say something positive and supportive! All births are exciting and a happy occasion, so I am very happy for this growing family. Some people are narrow-minded and offensive and just shouldn't be listened. Stay safe and well, Elijah, wishing all the happiness in the world! xx



Congratulations to the happy couple and please dont let the one minded idiots one here take away ur amazing moment of becoming parents. It has been proven that as long as a child is bought up without violence and abuse and is in a safe loving enviroment it does not matter who is raising that child let it be a single parent, grandparent, gay couple ect the child will be "normal" and happy and healthy!!! To the people who feel they have rights to judge why? so should this couple now give up their child to a "normal" family even those one of these women carried the child and was her egg?imagine it now oh lets give up our child because we listened to negitive people saying we are not capable of raising a child because we are both women , would u go on to praise them for doing this or simply find more reasons to attack them? how many men are simply sperm donors these days and want nothing to do with their child or the responsibility of raising one? at least this lil boy will have 2 happy parents working together to raise him!! and at least this "donor" is happy to meet his "child" when he turns 18!!! unlike most "sperm donors!! what are u actually trying to prove by giving ur negative comments here? to hurt them? to make them feel unworthy as parents? to try and take away their moment of pure happiness ? well good luck if u are because as a mother myself i know that people like u dont hurt us u simply give us the motovation to be better parents and people!!



Each to their own. Congrats on the new arrival.



Well done ladies..a wonderful child comes into the world..now do the right think..be good parents...love each other...be tigresses and protect your youngster...peace out..



it must be a wonderful thing to be so open minded until someone has an opinion you dont agree with , and its sad that all these people can lower themselves to abuse and name calling because a few have an opinion they dont like or share.
im not religious so i dont think its how god wanted it but i do agree its not right, im sure they are both beautiful people and would not hurt the child at all but at the end of the day the child has a father and should know who it is



this story is a classic example of what is wrong with the world today....



Yeah, I know. All these bigoted comments from people are really what's wrong with the world. Some people just see the negatives in everything.



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1 comment:

  1. Such a lovely article. That's great educating. Read the commments, there's always someone who thinks they know better. I won't say what I would call them as that puts me on their level ;)

    ReplyDelete