Before Elijah was born, people would always ask what Elijah would call Jo and myself, which prompted us to decide pretty early on that Jo would be Mum and I would be Mummy, until he could make up his own mind. We get mixed up, and so do other people, and as Elijah has been taking his time in the talking department, it's only now that we're getting an indication of what he might like to call us. He has taken to calling Jo Mum and me Mamma, although it's sometimes Mum or Mumum and we're totally interchangeable haha.
I like being his Mamma. It's a privilege and an honour and no matter how challenging it can be it's the most amazing thing I could ever be.
Sometimes though, I don't feel like the best Mamma I could be. Like when I just need to pee alone or eat my lunch without a small person using me as a jungle gym and I do what we all promise we won't, and use the tv as a sitter. Or the times I'm short on patience from being up since 4am five days in a row and find myself less patient than he deserves. Or the times I growl at my precious boy because being hit in the head with a book sixteen times really wears me down. Or the days where I stare at my phone instead of watching him play...
I've become complacent, I've started taking him for granted and it doesn't feel great. But, I've decided that instead of beating myself up for the things that most of us do (We all do that stuff right?) I'm going to redirect that yucky energy to motivation to take a step back, realize what an amazing gift my Elijah is and do something about it. I will try and be more patient, I will put down my phone, I will drink in his giggles and hugs and those awfully sloppy kisses, I will learn to duck books (and other flying objects) and I will create more memories with my darling boy.
Today, I made a start. We went into the back yard to play in the dirt, and throw the ball for our pup. We had a great time. Elijah helped me weed the small garden beds where we got our hands grubby and found a snail! I picked it up and managed to hold his attention long enough for him to watch Mr Snail slooooooowly come out of his shell. The look on his face was delightful. It was wonderful to just be in the moment and see the wonder on his face as he experienced a snail for the first time. Maybe next time we will dig up some worms!
No snails were harmed during the creation of this post. All hands were washed thoroughly ;)