10 weeks

Well this last week has been... interesting...

I'm happy to report that in spite of the hormones flying madly about the place, my face is still attached to my head and I'm still doing my best to make my darling happy, fed and comfortable (even if it is from the inside of a shark cage lol) Which is pretty hard when I'm PMSing like a bitch also - oh the joys of having two uteruses/uteri? In one house hehehe

Jo has been feeling a little better in the morning (all-fucking-day-mainly-in-the-afternoon) sickness department though, which is a relief - more for her than myself I'll admit. It's been so nice to see her enjoy eating a little more.

Oh! and we told some more people :D we told her mum and dad first on Christmas eve and then drove around to my Grandparents and told them, the reactions were fantastic!!! We also told another couple, which was hard because one of them has recently found out that she has to have more operations that will mean she will not be able to bear children... It was hard to tell them but we were sensitive and they were gracious.

Onwards and upwards: we are 11 weeks on Wednesday and then a week later we get our next scan SOOOO EXCITED! This time it will look like a BABY!

9 weeks

Wow time flies! I wish our TTC (trying to conceive) time felt like it had gone so quickly!

Jo is still feeling like shit almost 24/7... I'm still trying to just keep food coming (or take it away, depending on the vomit metre)

Our little fetus is about as big as a grape now. A lovely little grape with arms and legs and eyelids and even a little nose :) I just wish I could peek in there every morning and say 'hellllooooo little baby! We love you!' :p I can't wait to meet him/her.

I am still very owl focused, owl baby stuff is just THE CUTEST! Lookout eBay ;)

... I have just realised that I haven't blogged about her spotting over the last couple of weeks... Well, she has been. But only a little, and only brownish 'blood'. Dr said its fine and we aren't too stressed about it - well, I think Jo has found it very confronting but we are just not focusing on it.

Only a couple more days til Christmas! I can't wait to see their faces!!

How to tell the grandparents

Right now, I am obsessed with YouTube clips of people telling their parents they are pregnant!

I like the ones where they think they are posing for a photograph and the parents say 'say so-and-so is pregnant!' instead of 'say cheese! and are actually recording the whole time. Priceless!

I think with my grandparents (my parents are not in my life) we will give them a card like we did with my sister and tell Grandma to read it out loud. I can see it now "Dear Nanny and Poppy... AAAHHHHHHH!!!!!" lol

With Jo's parents we will do something similar, her mum is so going to CRY!! I can't wait :D

We caved

We caved in and have told some people our news :D

With Christmas coming up, and being so freaking excited about it all we couldn't help it!!

We told our close friends (a couple that we are close to) the other day and just now told my sister and her partner - it was so lovely, we gave them one of those Christmas cards that you put your own photo in, and used our ultrasound pic. It was 'from the baby' hehe. Everyone is stoked...

My sister has already started talking about the things she can give us (she has a 4ish month old so has lots of baby stuff) and our friends rocked up the other day with a case of lemonade and ginger marmalade :)



Here's my sis Kirra opening the card

8 weeks

Only four more weeks to go and we're done with the first trimester!

I can totally feel a difference in her tummy now. I swear I have bern able to from the start but I can REALLY feel it now. I love hugging her because when my tummy presses on hers I can feel the firmness - love it :D

No big changes this week, Jo is still feeling like total arse and I hate that I can't help her feel better but hopefully it tapers off soon.

Check out the 8 week pic!

Stupid brain

So I am having these moments of total paralysing fear... I keep thinking 'what if the baby doesn't LIKE me?'

I KNOW I am being a moron, and I have NO IDEA where this is coming from but I haven't been able to shake it for a couple of days. Ugh... Stupid brain...

Bright side: 8 WEEKS TOMORROW!!!

First ultrasound

Was amazing... I was in awe, I'm in love, I'm so relieved!

Obviously it looks like a blob at just over seven weeks but it's the most spectacular little blob there ever was :) We saw its little heart beating away like mad and the ultrasound lady kept saying 'baby' which was nice (rather then foetus or something) "this is baby's yolk sac" "this is baby's heartbeat" "this is baby's head end"

*grin grin grin*

7 weeks

Another week flies by :)

Poor Jay is so sick still... I have been doing some reading and the whole herbal tea or ginger concoctions are NOT an option for her, I would have to have her restrained to even get it anywhere near her mouth hehe.

Hot chips, pies, lemonade and mentos however are working a treat hehe. Well, until about yesterday when she hasn't really been able to eat :(

I'm doing my best to be a helpful wifey and made some chicken soup which she thankfully has been able to eat. Today I brought some peppermint essential oil and some anti nausea wrist bands, she'll try those tomorrow - I hope they work.

Because we are only at 7 weeks we obviously haven't made any announcements yet, but I feel like its written all over my face! Especially when I look at her, I can't help but grin! We had a friend over this evening and I absentmindedly patted/rubbed Jay's tummy. Thanks to my super quick thinking this was rather seamlessly (lol) changed to a boisterous knee pat ppffft :p

I can't wait for Friday :D

Sick sick sick

Poor thing :( she's so ill. She's nauseated almost all of the time, has vomited and is trying to fend off a headache. Like clockwork the 'morning' sickness has well and truly started (morning my ass by the way)

It seems that carbs help to settle her tummy; hot chips, toast etc. While anything with a squishy texture makes her gag.

I'm trying my best to be helpful and supportive. Brekky in bed, cuddles, buying her mentos in bulk lol. I wish I could do something to make her feel better but obviously I can't.

Seven weeks on Wednesday and first ultrasound this friday, I CAN'T WAIT!!!

A must see

This is fantastic! Makes me proud to be a lesbian mama

http://front.moveon.org/two-lesbians-raised-a-baby-and-this-is-what-they-got

SIX weeks!

So today we are six weeks... Our little one has a heart beat and even though s/he's still tiiiiiny s/he has facial features and little arm buds starting to show. Awwww, arm buds :p

My poor Jo has been ill :( a bad head ache yesterday and the nausea is here to stay. Mentos seems to be doing the trick though! :) we have mint growing wildly in our herb garden so maybe I can convince her to use it...

I am feeling so much excitement right now, just over a week to go until I get to stare at the screen with no idea what I'm looking at (AKA our first ultrasound) and christmas is getting closer and closer! I can't wait to tell the grand oldies.

5 weeks!

Wow that happened fast :D

Second lot of bloods confirm all is well with HCG at 5900 and progesterone at 62, they are some awesome levels. Progesterone is actually already within second trimester levels but it could be that she was on the pessaries for a while.

It's all starting to feel more real now... Poor Jo is definitely struggling with nausea now... All day nausea at that, poor petal. Oh! And I brought her some new bras yesterday, she already needs to go up a size! :o

So now only 2 weeks until our first ultrasound and only 4 weeks until Christmas which is when we will tell our immediate family - so excited!

Almost 5 weeks

More bloods today... We will get the results tomorrow and our levels will be spectacular :D

Poor Jo has started feeling ill over the last day or so but pushing through it like a trooper!

We are mainly focused on our first ultrasound which is the 9th I CAN'T WAIT to see what's in there!!!!!

Plush Owls

Is there anything cuter?!

I have decided it's a plush owl for baby's first teddy...

Yes, I do remember we are only four weeks up the duff - excitement is not really listening to reason and common sense right now

4 weeks

We have made it! My Jo is 4 weeks pregnant today :D

It feels like such a milestone, and then I remember there are still about 36 weeks to go an the little creature is only as big as a full stop!

.

That's tiny! Hard to believe in just a few short weeks it will look like a person! (well, sort of)

Fingers are still crossed, still hoping, praying, wishing it all goes according to plan.

384

Is the magic number :)

That's Jo's HCG level. Which is GREAT! Progesterone is great too! She will have another blood test next Monday to confirm all is as it should be and then our first scan the week of the 5th Dec.

I am feeling so excited but it's all really surreal also, I don't think I fully get it yet - or believe it yet.

I don't think I can sleep tonight :D

Bloodwork today.

Jo got her first bloods done today... I don't need the results to tell me she's pregnant after all the positive home tests, it's just the levels now... I'm so excited but I'm also really nervous. We need good levels, then we need em to double!! C'moooon li'l squirt grow!

Lines, lines, pink double lines!

Today's effort :D

Darker still...

And another test, and darker still... So much for keeping my cool. I'm totally convinced and just know this one will stick..

Check it out :)

And another :)

And so today, Jo peed on a stick again... Yes again... We want to see this line get darker and darker. Which it is!!!!

Another positive HPT

Get ready blog followers, there will be more where this came from :P

Jo is armed and ready with a full bladder, and this month we will be getting darker and darker lines! We WILL!

This mornings test was lovely and dark and came up before she could even get her pants on (lol, well almost)

Take a gander :)

Nice eh?

Positive HPT

This morning :) Came up quickly and I think darker than our positive last month... We are 10 days post IUI, 11 post HCG trigger shot (if you have been following, you will recall that in testing early on IUI #1 we found that it leaves her system after about 8 days...)

After last months shitful events I am just trying to keep myself contained until we get the bloods on Monday... We will also keep testing at home to make sure it gets darker rather than lighter... Fingers crossed!!!

It HAS to happen. It HAS to be our month...

IUI #3 done

Hello invisible readers, strangers somewhere out there in cyberspace...

So we went in for IUI number three on Saturday. It went smoothly,it was good to have our normal Doc, he usually doesn't work Saturdays but had to go in for something so asked that we be scheduled for the time he would be in so he could do it :) We talked about veggie patches (we are currently starting one) and his grand kids, who were up visiting. Such a lovely man.

We used Van Der Beek's stuff again. It seems it got the job done last time :p this time it just needs to stick! It will... It has to... Ugh this is hard :(

Anyhow, we are doing AMAZING. We had a romantic night on Friday night, dinner in, candles, music etc ;p and a lazy afternoon and evening after driving up and back for the IUI. Today was spent in the garden together which was so lovely.

Oh! And my sister got engaged! (the nice one, not the evil one who doesn't bother showing up to weddings and pops out baby after baby that she can't care for) I am so so happy for her, can't stop grinning about it :D

Night folks x

and I thought I was mad before...

I found out last night that my younger sister is pregnant again... She's 23... She has three children that she can't care for. Her new boyfriend is an unemployed alcoholic... Yes, I judge her. Yes, I am feeling sorry for myself and feeling very bitter.

After a failed IUI and the last one being a chemical pregnancy, with one (maybe two) tries left morale is low...

Next insemm should be next Saturday

I think this blog thing was a bad idea - its a bit negative really... Sorry :s

So mad...

We started testing 10DPO - we tested 6 times (utterly obsessive I know) - each test showed positive but the last was very faint...

She had sore breasts, nausea, and we were so excited.

The blood tests showed HCG levels of 5... That's too low to be a viable pregnancy. It appears that we achieved fertilisation, and even implantation but it didn't 'take'

We have one more try.

Today is IUI #2

On our way up to the clinic again, Jo drives while I read 'Up the duff' - Kaz Cooke... (hilarious btw)

Finally, yesterday, I got my positivity back. For some reason it just vanished after IUI #1. I'm all good now, back to making lists of things I will have to do around the house to make pregnant life and new baby life easier. I keep picturing Jo when she is big and round and can't touch her toes. Keeping up the daily massage so she feels relaxed and loved and cared for...

So this is it! Two follies + Van Der Beek jizz = baby? Yes, please!

If I don't write much again over the next two weeks it's either because I'm busy crossing everything or I'm trying to distract myself on the infamous TWW.

If I actually have any readers, I would love to hear your stories, advice..?

Until next time xx

Round 2

OK, so downward spiral has ended and everything is back to normal :) Sorry for that...  

Quite unexpectedly I was hit pretty hard with our negative. Although it would have been lovely, I didn't think we were quite that lucky ;) I really think it affected me so much because of other things that I see going on around me, even just within my own family, that make me really really mad. 

Anywho, on to round two. My amazing Jay stopped the progesterone pessaries and good old Aunt Flo came to visit, ugh. We have chosen another donor - we call him VDB, because he looks a bit like James Van Der Beek lol... We brought two ampules this time :) She heads up to the clinic tomorrow to collect the Gonal F pen and is on 75mg per day this cycle. This will mean lovely big fat follies! And that will mean lovely fertilised eggs. And THAT means perfect little baby (babies? :p) Well, at least that's my mantra at the moment.

Will it happen for us this time?

Vent... Sorry readers

I really apologise but I really need a vent...   We have 2 attempts at IUI left before we will be advised to go with IVF which we aren't able to do for financial reasons etc. We have two more chances for my wife to fall pregnant before we have to move on from this dream... For now if not for good. IUI won't be offered to me because of past issues which almost certainly mean IVF.  I sit back and watch undeserving people live my dreams and waste them. Even just within my family there is one woman that has had four abortions in the last year... There is another with three beautiful boys under five that have already lived in three states in their short lives... And a male family member with one child he doesn't bother seeing, two that have been removed from his care and now has some young thing pregnant again...  I am so mad. I am so hopeless at the moment. I can't tell my wife how I'm feeling - I don't want her to to know I'm feeling this way. I'm trying so hard to be positive for her, for us...  Ugh. Vent over. Sorry readers :/  

Negative

Just a quick post to update you all that it's a negative this month. Will post more soon but for now I'm off to bed for much needed snuggle time

Tara

A little hopeless today

On my way to work, while Jo waits for the nurse to call her for the blood test that tells us where we are on this rollercoaster. We text, she admits her frustration at being late for work... I admit I keep welling up... I don't know why except to say that with the tears come rushes of feeling hopeless, helpless, disappointed...

We will have the results by tomorrow - with no positive HPT's we both feel it's a no this month but who can tell hope that? Hope keeps on keeping on, refusing to go away and let common sense and clear mindedness take the reins.

Sorry for the melancholy.

Until next time. Tee x 

Rollercoaster

Hmmm so at this point it appears our positive was indeed caused by the trigger shot... We got a negative HPT yesterday. I think the worst part is, that this goes against her 'symptoms'. Cramping up until day 7/8 and now nausea each morning and moments of unexpected and unexplained tears... That's kinda cruel...

Jo has had her sad reaction and I'm pretty sure she's OK at this point... I'm OK, have decided that it ain't over 'til it's over and we won't know until we get the bloods done on Thursday/results Friday. We may home test again on Thursday, it can't hurt.

By no means did we actually expect it to work the first time - but why do it if there's no hope, right? Of course we hoped... I feel responsible somehow for Jo being so disappointed. I have been super positive and unwavering in my 'sureness' that we will be the lucky ones that get their YAY.

If the bloods are negative, we will need to choose another donor and start injecting Gonal F again... Then, in about two weeks we will tightly cross our fingers and go back to the start of this crazy ride with insemination number 2. We have three goes. Three tries. Three attempts to get this right... No pressure...

7 days...

So today we are 7 days past ovulation... 7 days past our first insemination. We are obviously going completely insane here lol...

Jay has been experiencing 'symptoms' and we have hinted at taking a home test early, in spite of knowing better. We finally decided to but before we did it we had a conversation that went a bit like: 'if it's a positive that's great and if it's a negative we just wait like we should have until we are supposed to test'. Then... Lo and behold we get a faint line. It's faint but it's there. I know a line is a line and a line means there is HCG in her system but she is totally unconvinced lol. We won't know for sure until the bloods on the 16th and there's every chance that this line was caused by the trigger shot (which has HCG hormone in it) but I won't give up hope!

So it's done. Phew!

We showed up sooooooooo early, sat in the sun, cuddled, laughed, hoped and prepared as much as we could... We walked in together and paid the bill and after a while in the waiting room we were directed to a little room with a bed where we signed the paper work, checked the donor number and waited for our Dr... He came in, talked quietly for a bit about what was about to happen and then we got down to business :) I declined to do the squirting myself, even though it was offered. It was nice that it was offered :) The insemm part lasted about two minutes in total and then Jo just laid there for a few minutes and we go up and drove home :) She had some mild cramping in the afternoon but nothing intense... Now it's just the progesterone pessaries for the next two weeks and we test on the 16h... It's gonna be a looong two weeks :p

Big Fat Follie!

Sooooooooo, scan #3 showed us one big beautiful fat follicle. YAY!!! There are some others but they won't really do much between now and TOMORROW WHEN WE INSEMMINATE! I am just about busting here. Readers, we need everything crossed now OK? get to it - your mission, should you choose to accept it is to cross fingers toes and eyes for
the next few days :)

Jay got the trigger shot and we will be insemming tomorrow at 11:00am... You may not hear from me again until we test which will be around the 17th.

See you then :)

Not yet...

So, we have driven to the clinic for the second time in a week where Jo has again been probed and poked and prodded to see where her follicles are at. It seems they have performance anxiety :s They are not big enough to do anything with right now so back home we go, where we will continue  injecting the Gonal and crossing our fingers... Then, on Wednesday we will come back up for another scan and more bloods - the results will hopefully show that we are ready to go for Saturday...

We are emotionally fine with the whole thing, all the driving is just frustrating and Jois a bit hormonal (nothing we can't handle)

Just as I'm typing this, Jo got the call to say she needs to increase her dose from 50mg to 75mg because her oestrogen levels haven't risen...

Also, I should mention that has been diagnosed with mild PCOS so that's why the whole thing is a bit wishy washy I think. I don't think I have mentioned that?

Little prick

Gonal injection no. 1 :) My wifey is so so brave, she just whacked it in there and didn't even flinch.

It's all happening now! I'm crossing fingers, toes and eyes here readers! Wish us luck!

I'll be back to fill you in in about a week, unless the Gonal turns her into a monster then I'll need somewhere to vent :p

Xx

And so it begins

Soooooo Cycle Day 1 is here!!!! :D

Tomorrow we start injecting Gonal, the following Friday we head to the clinic for bloods and a scan to check the eggies... Looks like we will be triggering on the Sunday and insemming Monday... This is all a repeat of previous posts but I'm so frikking excited!

OK, so I'm off to snuggle on the couch with wifey and watch Paul :)

The countdown is on

So the countdown is on... Jo is due for her period tomorrow, this will mark "Cycle Day One" of our first IUI cycle. She will call the clinic and they will tell her how much Gonal she will need to inject daily and give us an idea what day she will need to start blood testing...

It's all happening now folks! This time next month we'll be peeing on a stick :)We need crossed fingers, baby dust, prayers and whatever else you can give us...

Back soon, stay tuned!

PS

Just a little PS; we got ferns :)

Pebbles

So this blog was supposed to be entitled: "FERNS!!!" But alas, today we get pebbles...

Although we are not inseminating until Jo's next cycle, and the clinic has not advised us we need to chart as they will be monitoring her with blood tests and scans, we have continued to track  ovulation for 'fun' using our maybe baby ovulation predictor kit Hmmmmm... Fun :/

We are on the same cycle so we both check, no idea why - I guess I'm a curious little kitty... Anywho, I'm ovulating, which is completely bloody useless to us at this point. It seems though, that Jo is not :s again... Yesterday her results were a lovely pebble and maybe tiny little ferns and today - just pebbles. There's this unspoken fear right now that she does not ovulate... :( We will check again tomorrow and we WILL have ferns! :) I won't be testing anymore, I'm pretty sure it's not helping ;)

That aside - we are VERY VERY EXCITED!!! In  a month we will be at the clinic, with that lovely little concoction being placed where it needs to go, and we are continuing with our mantra "it will work the first time!" (and yes, readers, we are very aware that this is verrrrry unlikely, but we can dream :p)

On another happy note, I am also ridiculously excited that in a couple of weeks my beautiful little sister Kirra will be a mummy :) I am so proud of her and so happy for her and cannot WAIT to meet the little one :D She has been talking to her bubby and telling him/her to get a message to OUR bubby that it's almost time :)

Hear that squirt? It's almost time...

T xx

Woah...

well, as the title suggests...  WOAH!

So much has happened in 24 hours. Well - it feels that way :)

We went to our clinic for the final nurse appointment, I thought we would be meeting with Curly Nurse but that wasn't to be, I was a little disappointed at first but when we sat down with On and Off Glasses Nurse I was relieved that she was just as nice.

We went into a more medical styled room than previous meetings and talked for a long while about what to expect, what we needed to do from here, what the clinic needed to do from here, costs etc etc etc.  She was warm and open and answered all of our questions.  She gushed over the fact that from Cycle Day 1 of our first insem cycle I will be giving up a whopping 10 minutes a day to give Jo a massage...  She was straight and indicated that this would not be the norm in a hetero relationship - poor straighties lol. I felt all puffed up and important hehehe...

I'm noticing some changes for me, some feelings about my role as 'the other mother'. Good changes :) I feel so much more protective of Jo at the moment.  I have noticed myself doing little things like placing my hand at the small of her back when we are entering a building, or making sure she's covered by the umbrella if it's raining...  It's so often me that's being protected, sheilded, cared for.  I like this new role! I feel important and strong. Hope it stays that way ;)

I digress, oops :)

Back to what's next...  So, Jo had blood drawn for the final pre-insem blood work to check her chromosomes.  We were given the medication that Jay will have to jab herself with from day 2 of her August cycle, we were given a bunch of literature and the instructions for what to do when Day 1 of August Cycle comes along: We are to call the clinic and let them know, start jabbing on Day 2, have bloods done on day 8-10 depending on what Dr says and then it might be bloods every day or every second day then it will be a trip up to the clinic where she will have an ultrasound to check follicle status then we might insem or be told it's a few days off or she might be given a trigger shot (more of the same meds I think, just a bigger dose to make the actual ovulation happen) then da da da daaaaaaaaaaaaaaa SQUIRT! :P

So, now we wait, we prepare...  We chat about babies, talk about pregnancy, discuss what if's, dream about tiny fingers and toes and gush over baby clothes on numerous websites (well, that part is just me hehe)

Oh! and we have brought our sperm.  Yep! This morning...  As mentioned before, we aren't starting til August/September (depending on Jo's cycle) but we emailed the Sperm Bank with our top three donor pick to find that they had only 1 amp of our least favourite in stock and they are being reviewed so they are getting no more in eff knows how long :( sooooo, we grabbed it...  Brings up quite a few questions: "what if it doesn't work first go?" "What about related siblings if we want more?" hmmmmm :s We came up with "we'll deal with it" lol - simple.  It is what it is folks, we may have two more more unrelated lezzo raised babies.  Shock horror :P but...  We'll deal with it ;)

ahhhhhh, there ya go. That's the last 24 hours...

Tara xx

Next step

So tomorrow we have the next step in baby making... We are going to meet with Curly Nurse again. This time with not so much "hi, how are ya?" and with more "you'll inject this here and we will scan at this time and then squirty squirt squirt"

It's exciting, this next step - because it means we are almost there... It means that we are that little bit closer to having our little family :)

Jo hasn't really been charting religiously, I was a bit full on about it to start with but no one has really told us that she should so we've slacked off... We do temperature, and the maybe baby saliva ovulation tester - it has never shown ovulation but maybe she's doing it at the wrong time...

I did it tonight, just for fun cause I'm at day 14 of my cycle and feeling ovulaty :p and ta daaaaa: ferns... Ferns are good - ferns mean ovulation. But they were my 'just for fun ferns' not Jo's real baby making ferns... I think it made her feel not so good and that me feel a little thoughtless. I don't think I need to do a just for fun spit test again :s

Back to yay... Yay!!! :) tomorrow is the last appointment before THE appointment. Then it's gonna work first try and it's all gonna be perfect and we will have great Christmas news for everyone :)

Back soon, Tara

First post

I decided to start a blog after finding some great blogs out there that have helped me gain some insight into the adventure that my wife and I are just beginning... I guess I would like to have a place to express my feelings on the process, on being 'the other mother' and maybe help some of you along the way, even if it's just letting you know you aren't alone...

We have been together for a few years now, and had our wedding in May... It's not legal in NSW Australia yet but who cares? For us, the next step is babies.

Jo is older than me so it was decided that she will try first, and then I might try later on... I think she may have surprised herself a little with wanting to carry and I have surprised myself by discovering that I may not actually want to... I know for sure that our decisions have surprised a few of our friends and family :p I think that becasue Jo is the more 'butch' of the two of us (which is not hard because I would be labelled as being very 'femme') people make assumptions...

So, at this point we have done a lot of the pre insemm stuff; We have found a great GP locally, have travelled up to our clinic where we have met with the nurse - counsellor - Doctor and we have even chosen our donor. Next step is the IUI. We have to wait until August as Jo had to have the chicken pox jab and there's a no go period before you can get pregnant.

We are very hopeful and excited right now - getting prepped for the rollercoaster to come - stay tuned...

More posts to come, I'm doing this on my phone and it's proving quite difficult. Please excuse any typos :)